


Be Okay

by orphan_account



Category: Left 4 Dead 2
Genre: Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-09
Updated: 2014-10-09
Packaged: 2018-02-20 11:18:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,007
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2426792
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes, he thinks, it's too much.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Be Okay

It was all simply too much for him at that specific moment. He had to sit alone. Had to clasp the glass bottle in his hand too tightly. Had to lean against his own knees and try as hard as he could to take deep breaths, utterly fail, and see black spots dancing in front of his eyes as he gasped without avail. His palm flattened over his face, damp air brushing softly along his skin in a cool caress. 

At least it wasn't fucking hot anymore.

Nick swallowed hard, glancing up at the thin glow of light that was just breaking the line of trees ahead of him, taking another swig of beer and taking another hit off of his cigarette and just wondering if it might be the last time he did before his lungs gave way, or before he choked on his own alcohol. Gritting his teeth, he flung the white stick out into the mud, wooden porch beneath him creaking with the slight shift of his weight. He held out a hand, fingers splayed, watching it tremble just a little as he tried another attempt at a correct breath, aching in his chest.

He wasn't usually prone to panic attacks. But after a few weeks of fighting for your life against goddamn _zombies_ , a guy had to be allowed some time to break down.

 _FuckinghellIcan'tdothischristIcan'tjustletthisendIfuckingCAN'T_ -

He moaned softly, burying his face in his hands.

He hardly heard the footsteps behind him. He jumped when fingertips brushed his back softly, whipping around with a snarl and watching the hick leap back with a startled yelp. Blue eyes were too wide and red-rimmed, clean flesh staining the grime covering Ellis' face in crooked streaks. The conman stared for a moment, frozen, body wracked with shivers. Their gazes were locked, a mutual understanding, and knowledge passing between them in an instant. They'd both been over the edge tonight. And Nick hated it. This connection. He turned his back slowly, green eyes narrowed.

"Sh-shit, Nick, I didn't mean tuh-"

"Its fine, kid. Go back inside." Nick tried to sigh around his wavering voice, pain curling around his ribs in a dizzying jolt that made him wince. The action didn't slip past Ellis.

"…You okay?" Heavy boots thudded closer to the gambler. He scooted away, hunching his shoulders, ducking his head down. 

"I'm _fine_ , Overalls. Go back inside with the others. I'm sure Ro can help with whatever's up with you." He dug in the pocket of his slacks for another cigarette, hands shaking around the smooth box a little too hard to dig one out. He gave up and raked hands through his hair.

Ellis looked down, digging the toe of his boot into the porch. Nick didn't see or hear him so much as feel the hick's presence behind him, making the hair on the back of his neck stand up. A particularly violent shudder wracked his frame, drawing something like a whimper from the pit of his chest. He didn't flinch from Ellis' footsteps this time, but allowed the Georgian to sink down beside him on the steps, eyes focused out over the swamp, lashes drooping sleepily. Nick glanced at him sideways, a corner of his mouth turning down at the wetness still clinging there. He took another to-shallow breath and tilted his head back to look up at the sunrise.

"It don't look pretty like it used to," the hick muttered quietly.

"Hm?" Nick's elbows were resting on the points of his hips as he half doubled-over, trying to hold off the shivering.

Ellis sighed. "The sunrise. It ain't nice anymore. It looks… I dunno, bad?" 

Nick studied the pale pink light misting over the trees. Ellis was right. It was sinister, somehow, darker than it had been a few weeks ago. The conman's throat tightened at the sight of it, and he looked down, clenching his teeth together.

There was a muffled noise beside him.

He looked over at Ellis, who was staring in surprise at the little dot of water on his hand. Wet blue eyes looked over at Nick, glancing between his hand and Nick's face. 

"G-God, I don' even…"

Something in Nick snapped when more tears came rushing after that one. Ellis quivered slightly, body crumpling on the bare wood. The conman slid toward him, fingers moving behind Ellis' neck in one smooth movement and bringing the hick's face to his shoulder, not finding it within himself to mind that the reaction to his touch was instantaneous, arms wrapping tightly around his torso and pulling the two of them closer. His fingers petted softly through brunette curls, the tightness in his throat finally exploding into a million pieces that rushed up into his eyes and broke free, soaking into the hick's shirt and made the younger man shake just as much as Nick was.

"Shit," Ellis whispered. "Shit, shit, shit. Nick, I can't… I can't _breathe_ -"

Nick nuzzled fiercely into the crook of Ellis' neck, wrapping his free arm around the Georgian to feel the gentle warmth of another body, something wonderfully solid and _real_. So he let his shoulders shake with the force of their uncontrollable sobs and let himself get caught in this release. He rained gentle kisses across Ellis' cheek because he couldn't think of anything else, other than that the boy was so fitted to his arms.

"I know, kiddo. I know." He gasped into the hick's throat, squeezing his eyes shut, holding Ellis a little too tightly. 

Ellis didn't complain.

The sun was rising fully to the east, casting brilliant shades of pink and blue-green across the sky. And it was beautiful again to Nick because he was holding Ellis who was calming to sleepy sniffles, his own drowsiness shifting him closer to the hick and letting their breath mingle for a moment before brushing his lips against the boy's forehead.

"But you've gotta try." He took a breath, keeping his arms around Ellis as they turned to watch the sun creep over the treeline.


End file.
